What is your god?

I Spy God

Whoa. God doesn’t waste time, does he? Not even a chapter from where I have been reading, He hits me…#Philippians3

Is your god your appetite?!

Yes.

Absolutely it is.

My biggest struggle is self-control; food, finances, temper…oh the list goes on. But temptation with food is the worst.

I have been really trying to be strong in my food choices by avoiding my food triggers: sugar, bread, pasta…but oh how the evil one tempts, and yesterday was HUGE in my arsenal of decisions to disobey.

Confession time:
On my way home from work I decided to give into my craving for a donut. I stopped quickly at the convenience store and literally walked into my accountability partner. I immediately knew it was God providing my “way of escape.” (1 Corinthians 10:13) #sworddrill #ispygod

But did I take it? No. I waited until she left to buy what I knew…

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Made to Crave – day 1

So I finally started going through the Made to Crave book and boy, it spoke volumes.

  

I watched the video a couple nights ago and yes, it touched me…it made me excited to start this journey and get back on track spiritually with God. But mentally changing the food part, I wasn’t fully in. 

I’ve been making unhealthy food choices, honestly, because I hadn’t started the study yet. I hadn’t fully committed to the change I needed to make because I hadn’t started reading and so justified those choices by telling myself my diet would officially start when I actually started the study.

Right now I would enjoy the spoils – my “last supper” of sorts – until I was forced to go back to diet deprivation.

And although I did start reading this morning, and boy did it affect me…

whoa.

 
In my mind I am STILL telling myself…

“I’ll start Monday.”

  

It is unbelievable the power that the evil one has over me!!

Meh.

Yup, that’s how I’m feeling today.  

Not feeling inspired or motivated today, so I will leave you with this.

No excuses.

We get one chance at this and life is way too short to get caught up in a pattern of over-indulgence, regret, and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

Today is a new day. It’s a new chance. 

You are here for a reason…don’t waste it by focusing on your downfalls and mistakes. Let’s start anew!!

Now’s the time! A new day, a new slate. 

What are you going to write on yours?

  

  

Empowered

The word of the day: empowered

That’s what Lysa Terkeurst says in her book/video series: Made To Crave.

I think this is going to be a great study for me because I realized (although knew all along) that the thing I think about, take comfort in, turn to, find refuge in, depend on… is food. 

I need to find my “want to” in eating right and taking care of myself. I need to feel empowered, not deprived.
It’s interesting…Lysa quotes a medical doctor in the beginning of the video ( I wish I had written down his name) who says something to the affect that will power is not enough…you can’t do this on your own – essentially, there is a faith factor.

  
I am fully sinning when I put anything before God and boy, I certainly do put food first.

I haven’t even really started reading this book yet and all I can say so far?

Eye opening.

How did I do yesterday? Terrible. I have crossed over the threshold of only eating good for me foods to eating well, whatever I want.

Fully back up into the 180’s again. 

Hmph.

At least it seems there just needs to be a mindset change…so let’s start there.

  

Empty midnight promises

When I lay in bed at night, tossing and turning from all the thoughts and worries rumbling through my head, is when I make great and mighty pacts with myself and lift up desperate prayers to God for a change.

I am always so convicted at those times of quiet darkness; determined to do things right when the sun comes up.

“No more!” I exclaim.

 

But when The sun breaks on my morning full of new beginnings and promise, my resolve and determination melts away and in their place rise up the all too familiar feelings of doubt and frustration… and I quickly lift that white flag of helplessness.

 I’m hoping today is different. My friends and I will be going through Lysa Terkeurst’s study…

 
And it starts today. The day after my long night session with God.

I know I can’t do this on my own and I’m hoping this will give me the fuel I need to make a change for good.

A life change, with God’s help, sounds like just the plan I need.

No hope.

Hi. My name is Nicole and I am a food addict.

And an emotional eater.

  
Seriously.

I was so stressed at work yesterday that I lost all control of eating. All I brought to work was good food but I couldn’t get enough. I was craving badly and I didn’t even know for what!

So when I got home I had my frozen yogurt…  

My go to treat when I need something sweet…and it didn’t work. I was scrounging through the fridge and cupboards like I hadn’t eaten for days!

I scooped some peanut butter. A piece of bread. Some chocolate milk.

I texted my friends who are keeping me accountable…

And heard nothing.

Honestly, I was glad because I didn’t want to hear back any “you can do it” or ” it’s not worth it, stay strong” because that’s what I had been telling myself all day.

I was done.

 I eventually gave in to these… 
Which really aren’t that bad for you…but they’re a little sweet and that triggered it and caused a slight binge on chocolate milk and two packages of these:

 
Oh stop. I know you’re thinking…”gees, that’s not so bad I would’ve gone for a candy bar or ice cream.” 

Believe me, I wanted to but if I had gone there?? There would be no turning back.

I am back up to nearly 180. All of my hard work to get to the 70’s? 

Gone.

6 pounds gained back in 2 days when it took me 2 weeks to take it off!!!

What is wrong with me??!!

 
So I need help. I need a plan when I get like this. People say go run…get exercise…but that is not realistic while I’m at work.

Pray. Yes, I pray and I know prayer works…but I am totally the one mental enough to grab that candy bar or whatever it is. 

 

How do I curb these cravings and get control when I’m stressed? What do you do?

A weekend can quickly turn on you.

Woke up this morning to a 4 pound GAIN on the scale.

 
Ok, I suppose it’s not all the scale’s fault.  

Stupid salt on the roasted garbanzo beans and kale chips!!

Boo.

Naaaaahhhhh… totally my fault, totally my decision to over eat. I literally made that choice in my head that I didn’t care yesterday.

Now, I didn’t go super crazy…no sugar was consumed of any kind. But I did have a honkin’ parmesan chicken breast for dinner and munched THE WHOLE TIME I made my roasted garbanzo beans and kale chips!!

 Don’t they look so yummy??!!

nomnomnom

  
 Yeah, they were.

So, back to the real world today.   

How was your weekend? 

Today is a new day. Let’s get back on track together!!